he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
