i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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