waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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