Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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