the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
