Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
