On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
