they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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