i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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