I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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