look no pants
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
