3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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