you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
