Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
