So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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