Where is the hickey?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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