apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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