Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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