The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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