I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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