My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
