dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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