i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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