In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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