I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
