you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
