We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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