I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize