I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
