After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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