when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
