I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
