I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
