when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
