So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
