; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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