I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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