And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
