they need to just BURY HIM!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
