Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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