Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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