My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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