Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
