apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
