How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
