Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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