While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
