My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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