We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
