The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?