it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.