3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay