Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.