I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.