If that was your dad, he is hot
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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