You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
