i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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