...so i touched it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
