this beer tastes like vomit already
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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