Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
