just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
