Yo dont text me then not text me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
