Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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