Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
