I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We need to rekindle our bromance
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
