The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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