I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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