Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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