Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
