So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
