Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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