Porn is love you can see.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
