sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
