I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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