she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
should my penis look like a turkey
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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