"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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