i just wanna soil my oats bro
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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