just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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