marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
