So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
