Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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