Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
